Balancing Act

Balance is something we create not something that is found.

For years (the majority of my life really) I’ve tried to find balance. Thinking if I go here, achieve this, accomplish that I’ll finally feel “balanced.” Becoming a yogi, I thought I’d gain some insight but with that comes more to balance, more challenges to handle.

For me, finding balance meant leaving the places that left me off-kilter. It meant quitting my job of four years and turning inward. It meant setting boundaries with family and friends. It meant walking away from relationships that not only no longer served me, but we’re actively hindering my progress. It meant getting uncomfortable and disrupting the balancing act I had grown accustomed to. It meant prioritizing my health in a world that was constantly asking me to sacrifice well-being.

So often we accommodate this or that not recognizing the greater impact; how these little self-sacrifices drain our preverbal cup and dig at our identify; that those times we don’t say “no” take away from the time we have to say “yes” to what we actually want. Each accommodation adding one more thing to carry, to balance, to take up space until there is no space left for ourselves.

It took getting really comfortable with being uncomfortable before my nervous system and I understood what “comfortable” was. For me, the person with multiple mental health diagnoses, being comfortable meant familiar chaos, thriving in the the turmoil, sacrificing my well being for the sake of others, living off adrenaline in toxic relationships that mirror what I grew up with…I had to unlearn all these things before I could experience anything resembling “comfort” let alone “balance.”

I had to do less so I could do more. And yes, it’s cliche but because it’s true. I had to walk away from people I loved, quit the jobs I had invested in, and most importantly, love myself with grace and compassion when I could no longer do everything for everyone but myself anymore.

The more space I held for myself, the more space I had to create balance ⚖️

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